The other night, as my wife went to a meeting--one of her rare opportunities to get out and do something for herself versus managing our three kids--I decided to take the kids to Costco to pick up a couple of critical resources we can't run out of: dog food and Enfamil. 6pm to 8pm is the home stretch of time between dinner and bed for our nearly 4-year old, 2-year old, and 3-month old. And a little mini-excursion is better than watching Max/Ruby/Dora/Diego.

But I don't think I had done a solo trip like that before, so I was a little apprehensive. Parking lot...big store...etc. But I moved fast and they stayed in the carriage until I was stuck in line and the fun began as 2-year old Jason had become bored. A couple behind me noticed Marshall who was happily smiling at them and complimented me on how "interactive" he was for 3 months old. I said something like "I've got my hands full tonight," to which the guy followed up with "Where's mom?"

Now I know he didn't mean anything by that, but I realized how different we perceive these situations depending on both the gender of the observer and the participant. I've been guilty of it too. Frantic mom with 3 toddlers crying and whining = mom who can't control her bratty kids. Man with 3 toddlers crying and whining = heroic parent who is pitching in to help. For men at work, people fret over how if Dad is working late he is missing out on quality time with the kids. Mom working late has outsourced her parenting. Or if she leaves early, she's not committed to her job.

It's really nobody's business. We do what works for us and try not to get caught up in imagining what other people might be thinking. But it takes effort to ignore...and I think men have a lot less to ignore because for us, taking care of kids is something "extra" not expected. For working moms--it's two jobs. And for stay at home moms, it is one really big job without the break of being able to go sit in a cube where you can blog if you feel like it and eat a leisurely half-hour lunch without interruption.