Last week, I posted the story of how we returned to Boston. Here's a link to the story of how I first came to Boston. When I read stories about how young people today are choosing where to live first, then finding a job, I'm not sure it completely applies to me. The same is true of settling into a particular neighborhood.

As we planned our move from San Jose, CA to the Boston area, we were fortunate to have a relative here who was a Realtor. She sent us photos and listings by email in the weeks prior to our whirlwind weekend of house hunting. This helped us narrow down the choices.

When I first thought of moving back here, I wanted to live in Jamaica Plain or the South End, because those areas of Boston have a reputation for being "up-and-coming," trendy, artsy, areas full of young people. And yes, true to Richard Florida's analysis, they are the "gay enclaves." I wasn't looking to specifically live in a neighborhood full of gay people, but I was thinking I wanted to live in a cool part of the city.

But we ran into some constraints right away. We have two large dogs. We felt we needed some kind of yard for them. Condo not an option. We did not find any listings in JP for houses with yards. So we expanded our options.

First, we felt the dogs pushed us out into at least inner suburbia--i.e. not Cambridge, Somerville, Allston-Brighton or Boston city limits. Because both of us would work downtown and had no intention of driving a car to work, we sat down with a map of the commuter rail system and were quickly able to eliminate entire regions--North East and South, for example, leaving us with essentially what is called "Metro West."

After that, it was largely a Realtor search project. Because we were leaving a hot California housing market and selling a 100-year old Victorian we had fixed up, we had a large chunk of equity to put down. Also, at that time, we were both working, so our budget was pretty flexible and optimistic. Still, we did not find the yard in the city and instead, all our searches came up in West Roxbury (a neighborhood of Boston), Needham, and Wellesley.

West Roxbury was the most convenient and had the advantage of being in the city. We had found what we thought was an ideal house online, but as we visited it, we felt 1) it was older and probably would need work, and 2) the owner seemed unmotivated to move quickly. Another, beautiful Victorian really impressed us--there was even a view of the downtown skyline from the third floor. But the owners could not move out until August. And the house did need work and/or had "weird" things about it that made us pause. Like no driveway at all...and bedrooms spread over 3 floors.

We really liked the feel of the neighborhood though. It seemed like a good place for people like us who were a little older and wanted a little more space, but still wanted to be close to the city. We were a little concerned that we might not fit in because it is a very Catholic neighborhood--very traditional, parish-oriented life. If everybody else goes to Mass...we might not have anything in common with our neighbors. But that was not a really big concern.

Wellesley is a rich town. I actually worried that if we bought a house there, when I showed up at work, at my company that grew out of a nonprofit background, they might think they were overpaying me. (Actually, they thought that anyway, but that's another story!) There is certainly nothing wrong with living in Wellesley, but it's also not that compelling for a couple like us either. There is a nice downtown, but you just can't get away from the fact that my Chevy S-10 ain't gonna fit in so well. Regardless of the housing we might find there, we kind of felt that there was a luxury premium on everything and if we didn't want that, why pay for it?

The houses we did find in our price range were a stretch. Expensive with weird stuff like underground tunnels to a parking garage. Trapdoor access to the upstairs bedroom. Worst house on the block. 1 mile walk to train.

We chose a house in Needham instead. 1/2 mile walk to the train. Recently re-done 4 BR/ 2.5 BA with a nearly finished basement. It truly was "move-in condition." I did not fall in love with the house, but it was very practical with no downside.

Living there for 3 years turned out to be a very good choice, as some of the things we had thought we wanted did not materialize and some things we had not anticipated, did.

One big idea I had about stuff to do back in Boston was to go back to live music venues. We did that; we went out to the Middle East in Cambridge, some bars in Somerville, etc. It wasn't that big a handicap to live in the suburbs. But it also just wasn't that important. We felt we had the best of both worlds; if we wanted to do stuff in the city after work or on the weekends, we could; then we could go home to our safe house, in a town where the police blotter reported the biggest crime of the week was some high school kid smoking a joint.

Another idea was the desire to meet other people our age and hang out with them, etc. Well, it's not like that just magically happens. Most people you know from work. Neighbors--in any place--are seldom seen or heard. We met our immediate neighbors over the years and got to know them better than people we had lived next to in apartments or condos...but that's not saying much. I think, no matter where you live, it is easy to have zero interaction with the people around you unless you have something in common that requires you to meet them.

The advantages of Needham proved to be exactly what you would expect from the physical location. Walking 10 minutes to a 20-minute train ride means the commute is bearable. Living adjacent to the city means if you need to get in or out, you can do it in a reasonable time.

The community structures in Needham are at least as good, if not better than in Boston. When we decided to become parents, it was somewhat like joining a club; suddenly we realized there were all these things we could do in the town. Tot lots, parks, parent groups, etc. The YMCA is staffed by friendly, familiar local people. The town has a very small-town flavor--not unlike a progressive version of the town I grew up in.

Needham also helped me take up two new hobbies: cycling and running. Cycling, I can choose between riding all the way into the city, all the way out to country farms or north to Walden Pond, Lexingon, Concord, etc. Needham is right in the middle. For running, as I ran longer distances, I began to reach the Boston Marathon course and could, as part of my training, incorporate a long run that took me through Wellesley, all the way up "Heartbreak Hill," and back home. Needham is really an ideal location that allows overlap between the urban core, the locally distinct town, and the farmland I never knew was so close to Boston.

So why did we move? Another long story, but as we were having our second child and deciding that my wife would not return to the workforce anytime soon, we looked at that $500,000 interest-only adjustable rate mortgage...in an economy of rising interest rates and topping out home prices...and said, this house may be too much for us. We started looking for ways to downsize.

Living in Needham for 3 years helped us realize more options--for example to realize that there were other commuter rail lines that could work just as well, and we didn't really need to be a "stone's throw" from Boston to get the benefit of living in the metro area. We ruled out moving too far out, but we found that by moving a few miles south, we could get a house that fulfilled our needs for less money.

Our choice of Westwood was also influenced to some extent by the postive experiences of my wife in her various Moms' groups. The moms from Westwood seemed pretty down-to-earth. The moms in Needham were fine too, but Needham in general has kind of a "power parent" aura. We didn't leave Needham for any negative reason, but we realized the "social/intellectual periphery" was not such a hard and fast boundary after all; that opened us up to more possibilities.

When I think back to the articles I have read about young people choosing where to live, I think it is so much more complex than that. First of all, the choice involves many trade offs and is always made with incomplete information. You ultimately go with your gut and with what you can afford. Especially as you get older, the idea of just moving somewhere and figuring out how to afford to stay there--that's just not realistic.

But secondly, I think the choice is not nearly as important as the choices you make once you live in a place. I could be living in a condo in the South End and if I were expecting the mere act of living there to be cool, I might be sorely disappointed. Now that I live in an almost rural suburb, I have a choice of how I view things...I could feel isolated or I could look for ways to get involved. It is the same kind of choice wherever we live, but the opportunities for involvement are different. I think, while we want to live in a diverse environment, we also need to be sensitive to the fact that it is good to be in a place where there are similar people, at a similar stage of life, with similar concerns and issues. Otherwise, the barriers to community involvement are higher. Perhaps they are not barriers, but more a lack of common opportunities...

My challenge now is to get more involved locally...I'll update this blog as I learn more and build stories to tell about Westwood.